Monday, October 3, 2011

Sickness and Sameness, with Goodness and Badness

My goodness, how long can a person be sick?
Well, I know the answer is “longer than you have been so far.” I get that, but I’m done with this sickness. It may not be done with me, but I’m done with it. I wish that would make a difference.
Fucking cold.
Colds. I think this is at least two colds in succession. Maybe it’s three.
Fucking colds.
I’ve been on blog hiatus. I think it’s largely justified. Journaling daily is hard. It takes time. It gets boring, and it draws my attention to how boring I am; how routine I am. And with this series of sicknesses, I’ve been even more boring.
So what have I done in the last…oh, month or so? I’ve eaten. My breakfasts have been largely unchanged, mostly oatmeal and mochas with the occasional muffin, although I had a week of garlic parmesan bagels because the Sacramento Baking Company finally got a booth at our farmers’ market and I love those bagels so I got some. Bagels: the food so nice, you cook it thrice.
You really do. You boil them. Then you bake them. Then you toast them.
Then I put a butter substitute on them, because it’s good and that’s what I have. I also have a horrible cough—have I mentioned that?
So the eating: lunches have dwindled, and I’d attribute that to the sickness and maybe work stress. Work isn’t great right now. I screwed up, to be honest. Not in terms of performance or quality of work, but in terms of pissing off the wrong person. I could sit here and write about how unprofessional this person is; irrational; rash; incompetent; absurd; overly-emotional; ignorant; annoying; overbearing; passive-aggressive…but what good would that do? Ultimately, I challenged this person repeatedly and those challenges resulted in excommunication from that person’s program. Flat-out cut off. No contact in weeks. It’s childish, but that’s the way it is. Sometimes you just have to bow your head, take your beatings, and do what you’re told no matter how stupid what you’re told may be or how much you may disagree. That, or this happens. Ah well. I’m employed. I learn lessons. I have work to do. But this episode: it hasn’t been good. I hope this will pass. In the meantime, there’s other work and there is a proposal to be done.
Dinners still find me eating plenty. There hasn’t been anything out of the ordinary. We tend to cook our dinners: tacos, pesto chicken, chicken alfredo, steak, burgers, sketti, lasagna, stir fry, and probably some other things. We go out for date night on Thursdays. I drink wine and/or beer. And I’ve been taking various cough medicines and what-have-you that seem to have no effect on this fucking sickness.
Fucking colds.
These fucking colds—I was going to do the Golden State Triathlon. I decided. I was going to do a B.R.ICK workout 2 or 3 weeks ago. I forget now. But before that weekend came I got this viral cough. Possibly foolishly, I’ve still pushed myself through some workouts, but they’ve been low-intensity and pretty sporadic. I NEED to work out. It’s important for my moods and brain chemistry. Hence, I work out. But I’ve taken multiple days off in a row. My runs have slowed to near-walks, or so it seems to me. My body aches. I’ve managed to swim at least once per week, and even got a good mile in this past weekend, but I still can’t shake the sickness. I ran 3.4 miles yesterday, and it was sorta okay, and then I coughed and coughed and coughed when I got home.
I’m not doing the Golden State Triathlon. It’s this weekend. My fitness level has dropped a bit. I’d likely lose a lung. I’d surely scare others with my hacking cough. I’m disappointed.
Things haven’t been ALL bad. There’s exciting news, but I’m not sharing that just yet. I broke my cell phone, but that’s unrelated.
There has been productivity in the garden, but not as prolific as last year. We’ve made more tomato sauce. We have two pumpkins now on our front porch, and I grew those, but they were supposed to be giants and they’re nowhere near giant. They’re nowhere near as big as the one I grew last year, which weighed in at 125 pounds. They’re so small I didn’t weigh them. But they’re pumpkins, we’ll carve them, and I grew them, so that’s cool. I have one habanero pepper ripening. I have two tiny purple bell peppers that may be trying to ripen, but I’m not really sure they’ll make it or be worthwhile. We got a good amount of corn but that’s done and I have a lot of garden work to do right now, really. I need to pull things out. Work the soil. I bought seeds I need to plant. The winter garden calls, but I’ve placed the call on hold. I need to find my motivation. I need to not be sick.
That’s about it since I last blogged. I mean, there have been other details: a wedding, time with friends, family time, house cleaning…these types of things. They happen. I enjoy them. They keep me happy.